Being Featured On Thought Catalog

Yes, you read that right. I am still trying to get over the fact that this happened with me. Of course, it's no big deal, but then you don't really come across such exposure everyday, you know.

Honestly, Thought Catalog is like my guilty pleasure. So yes, it was a little embarrassing to find out that an article was actually published! I was in shock for 5 minutes...and then it struck me. Of course I was happy, of course I was squealing! But within seconds I realized this would mean a whloe lot of negative feedback from ALL OVER THE WORLD! (That's the worst part about the arts..it's so subjective, you are bound to get haters) But it's been 36 hours since the article was published, and I've not got bad reviews *touchwood* (Though there were two who went off on another tangent- something about how I made feminist sound like a bad thing. Lulz, cos I go on to say something on the lines of "to each his own" Oh well, the word I should have used was"humanist" So yeah, my bad too. Someone was kind enough to point that out to me. Anyway, I sincerely hope they got my point)

Also, phew!

*Note- It's been 5 days, I'm guessing the negative comments have started pouring in. I am not surprised. It does hurt to see yourself being misunderstood, and even though you don't want to know it, you end up clicking on the link and reading all that people have to say.....*sigh* Some people,very simply, told me this- you have written something which has been published on an international portal, you are bound to get feedback. Not everyone will agree. You just got to be strong. Don't bother what something someone sitting in a chair in some remote corner of the world has to say about this. This is what you felt, and you wrote it.
And yes, there are those who agree, and I am glad they liked reading it (I get around 20-30 mails everyday from people thanking me for the article) and then there are those who absolutely hated my guts the moment they read the article. To some I might be oblivious, naive, or maybe a plain and simple fool. But I have nothing to prove to anybody. I know where I come from, and that's enough to keep me from changing my stance on the whole thing.

In case you haven't checked Thought Catalog (and don't wish to in the future) here's what I wrote-

20 Generalizations Indian Girls Are Fed Up With

Sometimes life isn’t fair, and though people are opening up to the idea of the “modern woman”, there are a few who judge us incorrectly, especially here in India. I won’t go into a lengthy explanation; once again, I am just trying to prove my point here. It is definitely going to sound feminist, but I assure you, I believe in equality of the sexes. I am just expressing my opinion here.  Not everyone might agree, but you might want to read it.

1. Not every girl wants to get married by 23. So before you ASSUME she’s of marriageable age, ask her what her views on marriage are. One hint, might save you the drama- just because she does not want to get married now does not mean she never will. She has other plans for herself right now, let her live a little.

2. Just because a girl wishes to do her PhD after Masters does not mean she doesn’t want to settle down in life. Give her a break, and respect the fact that she has the confidence to take that up, cos yeah, PhD is no joke. There will come a point when she would happily devote herself to her family, and balance it out with her work life. Her degrees, or lack of them, won’t make any difference.  Let her study while she wants to, okay?

3. Just because she is 27 and unmarried does not mean she’s been rejected by many men. Maybe, being single is a choice she has made.

4. Having a boyfriend does not make her characterless.

5. Just because she has recently gone through a break up doesn’t mean she is vulnerable and available.

6. Just because most of her friends are boys, does not mean she is “having a good time” with all of them.

7. Just because she has a drink in her hand does not mean she is an alcoholic.

8. Just because she wore a short skirt to one party does not mean she dresses up that way every day.

9. Just because she is ambitious doesn’t mean she isn’t a family person.

10. Just because she doesn’t discuss her plans doesn’t mean she’s clueless about life. Give her a chance, alright?

11. Just because she is outspoken doesn’t mean she is a rebel.

12. Just because she comes home late from work does not mean she is sleeping around with her colleagues.

13. After a hectic week, give her some time to relax over the weekend. Don’t make that one weekend party make her look like a she’s a frivolous party-girl without a job.

14. Just because she is out shopping alone does not mean she is depressed or lonely. It’s how she relaxes, respect that.

15. Just because she is on a holiday alone does not mean she doesn’t have company.  Maybe it’s a break to get back her lost confidence, or maybe that’s how she is. Admire her spirit instead of giving her advice, okay?

16. Just because she is a woman doesn’t mean she can’t kick ass in military school.

17. Just because she has a tattoo doesn’t mean she is attention seeking. Maybe that’s her way of expression.

18. Just because she doesn’t know how to cook doesn’t mean she won’t make a good wife. Remember when you were just married and cooked chicken curry which was um, a disaster?

19. Just because she likes everything pink and shiny and fluffy doesn’t mean she lives in her own world. She can handle some situations much better  than her male counterparts.

20. Just because she is pretty does not mean she is a whore. And just because she is friendly does not mean she is flirting with you.

Yes, we cry, we are emotional; we take things personally, and sometimes over-react to situations. But this does not give any one the right to judge us in the wrong way. Times are changing; don’t confine her within those boundaries, no matter how orthodox you are. There are some who might be fighting this losing battle, yet compromising on their decisions and plans, just to please society. Respect that.




In case you do want to check it out, here's the article-

http://thoughtcatalog.com/pea-tea/2014/02/20-generalizations-indian-girls-are-fed-up-with/#iHVTlX2fop5gfvpH.01

Keeping Calm..and drinking Coke. Picture Credits to ze boyfriend. 

<In case there are more of you who decide to get super aggressive about "feminism", do go through the comments, or well, let me clarify-

1. Too angry
2. Too distracted
3. Operating from the space of knowing only those who abuse the power of being feminists.
4. MY BAD. Geddit? MY BAD.


In case you feel some points are applicable to boys as well, I am sure you have a reason for saying so. And I respect that.

In case you feel I am degrading women, well I clearly didn't mean to. This is something that most of my friends have faced, and I am writing out of experience. Coming from an Army background, I have been all over India. And have faced many such issues personally, no matter how progressive the families have been.THAT'S the space I am operating from. In case you don't agree, you are more than welcome to share feedback, but let's not make this a debate. Some experience it, some don't. Let's leave it at that.

Thank you>


Cheers!

December Drab

December and January are the toughest months of the year for me. It’s the most depressing time in the entire year. Reminiscing good times spent during the year, and wary of what the next year might have to offer…the wave of depression usually hits during Christmas, and ends sometime during Valentines. So yeah, Merry Christmas. 

Resolutions? NAH. Instead, I would continue evolving in this journey called life.  Change things that should be changed, that’s all. People make me hate my self for sounding this ancient, but at the end of the day I enjoy this. People who think I am too uncool to be seen around with, well, they could go fly kites for all I care. I enjoy being who I am, let it be this way no?

So yeah, you guessed it right. It’s a depressing phase right now. So many thoughts, so much to feel..it’s kind of overwhelming.  I don’t know where to start from, it’s all so muddled up. So I am going to note down my feelings here, and hopefully feel better by the end of it.

1.       3 days to go before my last day at my office. I would be relieved, yes, but it’s like shifting out of my comfort zone. And it disturbs me. Work isn’t only about “work”, it includes a lot of memories from my personal life too- those good old times when I used to leave work early to meet the boyfriend, the times when  I reached work early so that I could leave early, the times I spent talking to the boyfriend on the phone, lunch breaks, tea breaks, and the wonderful friends that I made there. I know I will move on, but letting go is a sad process.

2.       The year is ending. So much has happened in  this year (refer previous blog post) I have learnt so much, evolved so much, it’s scary stepping into 2014, not knowing what comes next.  All that I know is life will only get more serious henceforth.  I am fine with THAT, it’s just the uncertainty that scares me.

3.       All of a sudden I go through this phase of self-introspection every year end.  Currently, I feel mature and evolved and all of that, but also a little bit disappointed in myself. Disappointed ‘cos I did not say things that I wanted to when the time was right, disappointed cos I couldn’t tell people what they mean to me, disappointed cos maybe sometimes I was a bit too harsh, disappointed cos yes I have been very judgemental.  I don’t regret anything, I learn from my mistakes, but maybe sometimes things don’t work out right away, cos something bigger and better is coming up in the future. Maybe.

4.       I hate myself for being too optimistic. Agreed, it helps a lot of other people, but it KILLS ME. And I doubt there is anyone around me who knows how pessimistic I could get.  Maybe sometimes, I need to let my guard down and show people how weak I could be.  Maybe.

5.       People tend to like me cos I am a sport.  And I am not going to change that.

6.       Is there a God up there? Really? If there is, why hasn’t he had some pity on me? Why hasn’t he seen how strong I have been, why couldn’t he have let this year end on a good note? Eh? Why? I really don’t have all the time in the world to feel sorry for myself, that’s another level of loser. So yeah, Dear God, do something. SOON.

7.       I have made a very very special friend this year. He taught me how to trust again. He taught me how to stay strong, mentally and physically. I could have been in awe of him, but he has always made me feel like an equal. No one has ever inspired me the way he has. Nostalgia is not always a sad thing- the most important thing he has made me realize (I used to be prone to mood swings and depression once upon a time.) And the way he reads my mind- if that’s not magic, I don’t know what is. And because God couldn’t create anything perfect, he put him 3000km away. Well played God, well played.

8.       2 people (close to me) have told me how judgemental I have become over the last 1 year. Got me thinking, yes it did.  But someone said one simple thing, and made things all right- if you are judging them for stereotyping you, I don’t think it’s your fault” God bless this woman. She’s made me feel a lot better already.

9.       One more very important thing that I MUST keep in mind- never compare yourself to others. The grass is always greener on the other side.  Have patience, and you shall be rewarded. Or so I hope. 

10.   If someone wants to be your friend, he/she will make an effort, even after you hurt them. Yeah, friends do that, I realized that this year. Keep them close. Others who “promised to be there” but ignore you on the sidewalk while you are weeping, well, they can go to hell.

11.   Life is too short. People die. I don’t want people to die. Also, make an effort to stay healthy people. 

12.   It’s been 7 months since he has gone. I am sure he misses me too, but is too macho to show it. So on behalf of both of us, Dear God, if you exist, PROVE IT.

Yeah so the above 11 points will keep me preoccupied for the next 6 weeks. So by then, hopefully I have something awesome to look forward to.

The Year That Was- 2013

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged. Can’t believe 2014 is less than 20 days away. January has always been depressing for me. January brings with it a new year, and an end to the old ways. I guess it’s a Taurean quality, resisting change. January is all about leaving everything behind, and waking up to something new.

But something tells me it’s going to be a good year. 2013 was one of the toughest and most liberating years I have ever had. 2013 made me stronger, happier, and I can see things getting better already.

Here is what 2013 was all about- feelings, opinions, events, the works.

1.       Not all problems are bad. Problems are a way of making you stronger. Always remember- at the end of a hurricane, there is always a rainbow. (P.S.- New found love for "Fireworks")

2.       It’s extremely important to be happy, but it’s equally important to be sad. It’s absolutely okay to have that one moment of weakness, and feel the pain. After 2 hours of crying, you come out as a stronger person. True story.

3.       Loss is not always a negative term (weight loss is good, see :P) On a serious note, loss is a part and parcel of life, it helps you appreciate the simple things. 

4.       There is a wish-list for everyone, but there is a reason God doesn’t grant all of our wishes at the same time. It’s his way of encouraging us to hope for more, and that’s what helps keep the passion alive.

5.       Just because she is pretty does not mean she is easy. Just because she wears short skirts doesn’t mean she doesn’t own a salwaar kameez. She likes meeting friends and having a good time, this does not mean she doesn’t appreciate a healthy and normal lifestyle. So stop judging her so much, let her be. Don’t blame her for being young and beautiful. For all you know, she might be a simple girl who loves coffee more than alcohol; is an intelligent girl, a loyal girlfriend, and is not afraid to speak her mind.

6.       It doesn’t matter what people say, cos people will always be judging you no matter what you do. So be confident and do your thing. Don’t wipe the smile off your face..one day people are going to get bored discussing you. Be patient, and stay true to yourself.

7.       Never regret your past. Everything happened for a reason, and it’s made you who you are today. Learn from your mistakes, and appreciate all that happened. Things change and people move on..don’t disrespect others for “Changing”

8.       Just because you are a girl does not mean your only goal in life is to get married to some rich NRI dude, and show him off to society. So what are you trying to show, that you could get a rich boy to marry you and get you expensive gifts and take you to foreign countries whenever you felt like it? Are you really proud of that? Why can't you be proud of HIM, and not just his money? How is showing off his skill and expertise at a job not something cool? Feminist when it comes to career and job, and a traditional “abla naari” when it comes to affairs of marriage and traditions? Boys want to have fun with all the hot chicks, and then marry someone who will sit at home and make food.  And the girls want to be the talk of the town with all their skimpy outfits and firang boyfriends, and when it comes to marriage they will marry anyone who has money, willing to sacrifice the good old life and get the in-laws to believe what a simple girl she is. Why has love been reduced to something this shallow and cheap?

9.       Be patient, stop nagging. Think things through, take a stand, and be confident about it.

10.   Love is not a Mills and Boons story. A perfect love story is never easy- you need to fight for what you love, and nothing worth having is ever easy.  Be loyal, be strong, be supportive. Leave the ego, it’s a relationship and love is a beautiful feeling. Don’t let ego ruin it.

11.   Don’t get married young. Trust me, you are NOT ready for it. Oh unless he is super rich and well yeah, that.  Cos obviously that’s what life is all about to you- refer point 8.

12.   Did she upset you by showing off her boyfriend and how much he misses her and how he meets her every 2 months and how he buys her expensive branded gifts? I can’t believe that actually upset you, you are stronger than that. Hey but if you are as hot headed as I am (another famous Taurean quality), you are allowed to put her down by showing off YOUR achievements, YOUR money, YOUR job. Be patient, karma never misses out on people.  Since this was about boyfriends, yours is way better than hers, both she and you know that. Why be upset then bro, why?

13.   There will come a point in life when someone else’s happiness matters more than yours. And no matter what, you would never want to hurt him/her. When you feel something that selfless, don’t let go.

14.   If someone asks for your help, and refuses to take your advice, only to come back crying when things go wrong, you have all the right to say- I told you so.

15.   It’s very difficult to be friends with an ex.  Mostly because it takes a long time to get used to the fact that someone might not be the same 3 years down the line. One of you moves on faster, and to a much happier place. So when an ex comes up to you and asks you to stop being judgemental and mean, cut him some slack and explain to him your point of view. If he still doesn’t stop pestering you, you have the right to delete him from your life. Simple.

16.   It’s not always easy to delete someone from your life. But go back in time and see what they put you through- see, it got easier, no?

17.   If you are fat, it’s about losing weight to get healthy. Once you are healthy, it’s all about staying fit.

18.   Love is not the most romantic thing in the world, but no matter how bad things get, love is what will keep us hoping. Passion is under-rated. People take things for granted, which is why sometimes the passion is lost.

19.   Airports are depressing, good-byes are painful. And it’s impossible to forget the last time you hugged him goodbye at the airport.

20.   Nostalgia is not always a sad thing. Nothing cures the "missingness" better than his t-shirt he gave you.

21.    Growing up is painful. It makes me sad to think about those times when I held my father’s hand and walked to school, or when my mother used to make my science projects for me, or how I was the over-protective elder sister to a 6 month old baby…. At the end of the day, your family is the only thing that you have. Respect them, and keep them close.

22.   Being a woman is difficult. Life is not about “screw this shit”, “let’s be wild”, “imma be wasted cos we don’t need men to have fun” and all that. There is a family you have to take care of, there is a reputation to maintain. 24 is not an age to act 18. *Indian Society*

23.    EVERYONE will discuss marriage. You will never be good enough , you will never have what it takes to be in the good books of parents, but if given a chance you need to show people that you mean no harm. Indian society after all. People will judge, and people will disappoint you. People who you thought would stand up for you will NOT, people who were once your friends will judge you, misinterpret your every move, and try to put you down. Just because you will fight for someone does not mean he/she will fight for you. So choose carefully, and stick to your decision.

24.    I gave up drinking, I gave up on a lot of people. Surprisingly it felt relieving, but I still don’t know if people who I did this for realized I did this for them. Anyway, I believe in karma ^_^

25.   Don’t under-estimate the magic that is love. He will not respond to everything that you complain about, he will not compliment you day and night…but he will know when something’s bothering you, and he will help you fight it. Sometimes, he might just know you better than you know yourself.

26.   Passion is important. Passion for travel, for love, for food, for money. A whole lot of passion.

27. The kind of friends you keep says a lot about you. Choose wisely.

28. Don't be under pressure to get married cos everyone else around you is settling down. Or because you feel you are in love. Marriage requires a lot of preparation, and there will be a point when you will be ready to settle down. Wait for it, do not hurry up. When the time is right, it will most definitely be the most beautiful thing in the world.

29. Just because he is the center of your universe does not mean you are the center of his. Deal with it. Someday, your patience and loyalty will be appreciated.

30. Aunties will ask you about your marriage plans, and make a big deal when you say " I have JUST about started working, I need to figure out my income scenes first". It's okay, they are going to shut up soon.

31. Many will give you free advice. You will know whose matters. 

32. There will come a point when you will be fed up of standing up for someone without being asked to. Take a step back, and let them see what they took for granted. 

33. When was the last time you made her feel like she mattered?  Just because she is a sport all the time doesn't mean she doesn't need your compliments. When you are proud to be with someone, let him/her know, that's all. 

34. Never ever underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman. 

A whole lot of nostalgia and sadness, but satisfying cos I know I ended this year on a happier note. I was confident, mentally and emotionally stronger, and in love. In the end, it’s all worth it. You need a select few close friends who respect you for who you are. The ones who judge can keep judging, you can either ignore them, or put them down. There are very few in the world who matter, and you will do things to make you happy. As simple as it gets.

It’s been a liberating year, and I can look forward to a happier new year, cos I know it’s gonna be challenging, and that is exactly what I am looking at- challenges. Plus I will be meeting the boyfriend too.  When, we don’t know, but soon.