In The Moment

< Fiction>

<Just because it's happening in my head doesn't mean it's not real>

The choice is yours.

Happy reading!

All our lives, we are looking for answers. Will I pass this test, will I get the job, will I get a degree, will I get the dress in my size, will she say yes, will I find true love…the list is never-ending.  It saddens me to see people get so busy trying to find answers, that they forget to live. It’s something that we take for granted, we hardly ever stop to see what’s going on around us, IN THE MOMENT. I gave a couple of interviews today, where a gentleman asked me – “What are you willing to add to the organization? And this might not necessarily be a professional skill” It took me 5 seconds to think about this (which in my world is a lot since I have answers ready before you have asked me the question) and said vaguely- “Enthusiasm. Enthusiasm to live. To enjoy life outside of work. To wake up early every morning and work out. To eat healthy. To be quirky. Yeah, enthusiasm.”  Maybe I was a bit too honest, maybe that’s not what he had in mind, but my intuition tells me I’ve nailed it.

Point being, the interview made me realize I had once again managed to take life for granted, being too over dependent on others for my happiness. Everyone goes through bad phases in their lives, since when had I turned into the depressed weakling who’d stay in bed for days on end because things weren’t going her way?

I’ve been going through a lot of negativity lately. Low-self esteem, rejections, incorrect judgments being made by the society, the works. I did think it had something to do with unemployment. But I’d hardly call myself unemployed. My blog has crossed 10,000 views, my food reviews are doing well, my passion for food is being recognized by industry stalwarts and yes, I’m on a high! So no, this negativity has nothing to do with unemployment.  It’s just…a low phase in life.

I don’t usually express myself, but when I want to, and I can’t- that’s a painful scenario. So here I am, living in the moment-

Getting Inked

Initially I thought tattoos were just another attempt at being cool. A few close friends got inked, and it made me realize that yeah maybe, that really mattered to them! So yes, I respect you for all the tattoos you have on your body, ‘cos I’m assuming you know what they mean and that they really matter to you.  Just another way of expression is how I’d like to see it. So yes,I'm getting inked. A word/ symbol that will always be an outlet. A fierce, yet hidden expression. There are many such words I could think of while speaking to the tattoo artist- faith, perseverance, focus, optimism, karma, respect, fierce. She said she will get back to me in a day. I want this to come out really well, since it’s something that would remind me of that ONE quality that has seen me through some very very tough moments in life.  A word that might only make sense to me- I’m okay with it, as long as it does.

So yes, I’ve thought about it. And I deserve this. The one who figures the meaning and feeling behind the tattoo, deserves me, or so I'd like to believe. 

Writing

I guess the repressed feelings of rage and sadness inspire me to write.  So here I am, writing this instead of a food review. I write because it makes me happy. And seeing people being positively influenced by my writing gives me confidence. So hey, hang in there, do what makes you happy.

Missing Someone Is Healthy

You know the early morning sleepy cuddling that he probably doesn’t know he’s doing but you feel warm and tiny and fit into that nook? And him holding on to your hair while he sleeps, so that you won’t leave his side?  And the hugs where you can’t reach up till his shoulder, instead you settle in to hear his heart beat? And holding his hand only to have it jerked off in surprise since he hates PDA? And stealing his last slice of pizza? And the hug at the airport, where you wished time would freeze?

That.

Fight

For yourself. But if it’s about love, fight for the two of you. 

If you are lucky, once in your lifetime you do come across someone who accepts you for exactly who you are. He doesn’t look at your qualifications, your background, the way you dress up, your weight, none of it. He connects with you on a spiritual level.  So don’t be surprised when he knows the voice in your head, or when he can say what you have in mind,10 seconds BEFORE you’ve thought of it. It sounds impossible, yes, but if it does happen to you, hold onto that magic. And fight for it. He’ll make you vulnerable, hopeless, defenseless, but he will stay there as long as you support him.

So do your thing girl, smile, and spread the joy!

Love

Long distance. 8 months. I can’t even BEGIN to describe how saddening that is. Every time I have to tell someone about him, I choke after saying this. So yes, it’s a relief that people get the point and don’t ask me to explain further.  But it’s been a happy journey. Not too many ups and downs, it’s been a learning process of sorts. If I could use one word (okay two) to describe him, I’d say he’s God-sent. I’ve discovered myself as a person, and I only have him to thank for all the positive changes that have happened in my life.

What sucks is when things are perfect, but something/someone doesn’t let you be. You get what I’m saying? We haven’t had fights, we haven’t been depressed; yes it’s been hard, but it’s also been beautiful. It’s been 18 months, and I still get butterflies thinking about him. It’s magical, yeah.  So it’s not humanly possible to un-feel this, if in case we have to. There are a whole lot of external problems, but we’ll make it through. Right? We have to. I know we do. (I've been told)

  

Settle Down in Life

All my life, I have been a restless soul. I’ve always found it too hard to settle down, in my professional as well as personal life.  After being independent for so long, after going from one place to the other, rejecting one boy after another, I have finally come to a point where I feel I can settle.  But….I can’t. 

Society will Judge

You can’t help it. This is no reason for you to refuse going out. You want to act, go become an actress. You want to write, go become a writer. Why must you be bothered by what people think of you? Shouldn’t they respect your decisions instead of making you sound like Satan? Society will judge, all that you can do is go ahead, make your life, and have a valid justification for all your decisions.

Explore your options

Who said you need to do a desk job just because you have an MBA? Who said you can’t write? Or act? People will always try to put you down- I faced a lot of opposition when I decided to quit my job and explore writing. It’s been 28 days, and I’ve reached places. I’ve also managed to get a small role in a movie! (yeah, me, Captain Klutz) So yeah, go out there and explore your options! The things you will learn during the process will leave you more confident than ever. You will learn from your failures, and you will find your calling.

Go out there, live a little!