Time

All the characters and incidents mentioned are imaginary, resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.

“There comes a point when you just love someone. Not because they're good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn't mean you'll be together forever. It doesn't mean you won't hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.”

She remembers the feel of the sand under her feet, burning hot while she tries to keep up with him. She runs along the beach, just where the waves crash on the shore. Shading her eyes, she quickly steals a glance at him. She looked at him as he walked along the shore, keeping a watch on her while she played around in the water. She noticed the smile, and said nothing. Living in the moment was something she had learnt the hard way. She had found her happy place.

A gentle breeze, a table for two at the beach, soft music- they sat talking, oblivious to the rest of the world. He told her she looked nice, she shied away slightly. They talked. They spoke about their families, their lives, of loves lost and memories made, of childhood dreams and secret ambitions, of past mistakes and future dreams. Conversations were logical, they didn't feel the need to explain how they felt. There was an unspoken bond that held them close, an unspoken understanding to stay in control.

The passion drove them mad. The intensity of it all was beyond something they could have imagined. The touch of his skin electrified her soul. She enjoyed the pain, it made her feel alive.It was intense, a process so pure and delicate she couldn't help it when tears rolled down her face as she smiled while he passionately made love to her.  She had never known of passion this strong. No one had made her feel so complete. If only she could him in this moment forever....

And then there came that point when she knew she loved him. Not because he was good or bad, or anything really. She just knew she loved him. Would they be in this moment forever? Only time can tell. 

Let's do an MBA

3 years ago when I decided to do my MBA, I knew I’d be regretting it at some point in my life. For the entire duration of my MBA, I never understood the need to study Taguchi and Six Sigma and Quality Control and Principles of Management and PERT/CPM,the benefits of recruitment/training , blah blah. As always, it was a case of “the grass is always greener on the other side” I wanted to break free from the 9 to 5 routine, I wanted to be the creative “let’s work in an agency and talk like snobs” sorts. Since then, I realized this MBA was a big fail. Little did I know that 2 years down the line, I would want to make PERT/CPM/Quality Control/Six Sigma/Production a part of my life.

Stereotyping should be my middle name. Even before I enter a place, I have already been stereotyped. It’s frustrating. By now I was used to it. So I wasn't surprised when my classmates thought I was just another pretty face who had decided to waste her money on an MBA degree cos she didn't know what to do with her life, and would spend the next 2 years bunking classes and partying the nights away in some state of drunkenness.  So imagine the look on their faces when I ace the first ever test. Well, I get cheap thrills surprising people. But it didn't stop there. I managed a pretty decent score in the first term when most of them failed a few subjects. The second term was even better when I realized people wanted to LEARN from me. And of course there were a few of those who hated me for being smart enough to do well even though I never spent my entire life in the library. Well, I guess I have just been lucky. And smart. Things changed in the senior year- marketing club head, presentations and tests on a daily basis, placement pressure, etc etc. I was noticed, and it made me more confident than ever. It was mind orgasmic, the feeling of being in control.

After all that, I still decided to risk it by taking up a job in the field of advertising. 9 to 5 wasn’t my cup of tea, I figured. It’s been a while in the corporate world now, and I have come to realize this-

People who understand nothing about marketing, probably haven’t even heard of Kotler, rise to senior positions in the work place because they are “aggressive” To normal humans, these people would come across as crass individuals who couldn't really survive out in the real corporate world, unless of course the real world decided to turn into a soap opera. These people swear by professionalism, but are absolutely clueless when it comes to dealing with “issues” at work. Drama is their middle name. We have 50 year olds trying to act 20 again, 30 year olds going through mid-life crises, straight men passing off as gay just to SEE some action, graduates trying to figure out what they want in life, some excuses for post-graduates trying to build teams, and then some intelligent people being shunned and disregarded as village idiots. It’s fun for some time, but then it gets to me. The ego had to kick in. I have not done my MBA to mechanically listen to orders of my seniors, who probably have no idea how marketing/advertising really works, but have “I am a senior person, I have been here and I understand how this industry works” ready as a comeback for anything and everything that you say to them. I have not done my MBA to be spoken to like a 5 year old who doesn't understand instructions given to her. I am not meant to be here at a place where the collective IQ of all the individuals is probably that of a dead rat. I am not meant to be at a place where my work is based on my “personality”, which by the way has been stereotyped too. I am not here to be involved with people who could not buy class even if they had a million dollars with them. And I am definitely not meant to be here with people who’s main aim in life is to make everything a soap opera. I am not a puppet, and it’s high time I stood up for myself. It’s high time I put a stop to this stereotyping. High time I showed them who’s intelligent and who’s not. High time I stopped accepting “When I first met you I thought you would be one of those dumb blondes, but then you surprised me, and I’ve realized you are probably one of the smartest people around”

I need to breathe again.

Fear

Honestly, I feel fear is good. A little bit of fear keeps us going.

I am afraid I am not good enough, that I could have done much better.I am terrified that the one person I am in love with might wake up one day and realize he could do so much better than me. But hey, I am not going to let that insecurity ruin the feeling of completion he brings to my life. Everybody leaves, everything ends…life could be much better if you accepted this, and gave it your best shot. The fear of losing something makes you more sharp, more honest, I feel. How we deal with insecurities and uncertainties make us who we are. All that we can do is keep going, celebrating the chaos that is life.

I love the ocean. I love how we can stand at the shore and stare into nothingness. So vast and so..alive. Makes me feel powerful. Hopeful. I like how it makes me realize life is all about looking at the bigger picture, and not giving up just because things are not going my way. It makes me happy. I like how it drives away all fear, I like how it makes me feel silly for being so insecure about life.
If there is one thing I wanted right now, it would be a beach house. ‘cos right now, I could do with a walk along the beach, with my feet in the water.

The thought of it makes me feel happy.
…Fearless.